To Bury or Cremate

This, in all likelihood, will determine the final resting place for your child. If you choose to bury your child, the burial must take place in an approved burial ground/cemetery. While you may carry your child in your own car, State government regulations state that your child’s body must be placed in a closed coffin or casket before entering the cemetery grounds. If you choose to cremate your child’s body, there are no restrictions on what to do with the ashes. You might decide to bury the ashes or to scatter them. Or you may want to keep them at home with you.

Some cemeteries are more flexible than others about what they will permit. Some may have special restrictions regarding headstones and what is allowed on the gravesite. They may provide children’s sections which, in general, are more comforting than others.

Plots where ashes are buried may have a limited tenure of 25 years. Graves may be perpetual or limited in tenure. If a plot has been prepaid but has not been used, it has limited tenure. Ask for cemetery guidelines about the tenure and fees involved.

If you choose to cremate your child’s body, there are no restrictions on what you do with the ashes. You might decide to bury the ashes or to scatter them. Or you may want to keep them at home with you.

“We still have the box of ashes on the bookshelf at home. We haven’t got around to scattering them yet.”

“We chose a country cemetery, where we found a plot which we thought was just right. It was near another baby 5 ½ months old, whose grave was covered with petunias. The grave was dug by the cemetery. We had friends to help us lower the coffin. My husband lovingly made a unique headstone which he designed with koalas and stars on it.”

“There are decisions I regret, like now I think we should not have rushed into burying her. They can care for her ashes for up to twelve months at the cemetery. I think the whole decision was rushed. Time is really important. So now I feel like she should come home whereas, before, Luke wanted her home.”

“I wanted to have her in the house.”

“We were moving and I did not want to bring her ashes home to the old house where there were happy memories of her life and of her being alive. We were moving and I did not want anything to happen to her while we were moving. And so now we have been in the house for a year and I feel like it’s our home now and she should be there.”

“I, however, couldn’t bear to move her from her resting place. To me the cemetery is her little home now.”

“He respected my choice then (to bury her) and I have to respect his now, and leave her there.”

“I’ve got a concern about what will happen to Sian after Mark and I have gone. Sian’s at home now but…we wonder about who will look after her when we are no longer here. To me, that’s also an issue.”

“Being in the cemetery means we don’t have to worry about what happens to us, she’s always going to be there.”

This article was prepared using extracts from Your Child has Died: Some Answers To Your Questions1 and Choices in Arranging a Child’s Funeral.2 The full texts are available online or contact Red Nose Grief and Loss Services on 1300 308 307 for a printed version.


Last reviewed: 28/3/24